Destination Truth: Frozen Tears
by Spidershearth
Summary: How can Josh face his darkest days without Ryder? Or must Josh find solace in the very mountain that started it all and put things right? I do not own "Destination Truth" or any of the characters/ people there in.
1. Chapter 1

**_The Fall_**

Rain bounced off the windows like ping pong balls. The lightning only illuminated his room for brief precious moments. The brilliance bounded off hundreds of photos that blanketed the stone colored carpet. Each photo was drenched in month old tears, some still freshly covered from only seconds ago. As the room fell back into bleakness, Josh had missed the end table, dropping a newly pour glass of scotch. At this point he didn't care. The world around him could fade away and he wouldn't even notice. None of it mattered without her, nothing mattered without...

Josh broke out into tears, balling over the memory that was forever seared into his mind. Forever, it would torture him forever; no amount of scotch, whisky, or vodka would ever make what happened ok.

_"Ryder, give me your other hand!"_

_"I can't!"_

_"Ryder, you have to give me your other hand!"_

_"I'm slipping, Josh I can't reach!"_

_"Ryder! RYDER! NO!"_

_"JOSH!"_

Josh could still feel Ryder's hand in his; struggling to hold on for dear life. He could still smell the dirt in his nose. He could remember seeing her body. Mangled and ruptured. He carried her all the way back to base camp and refused to believe that she had gone.

He could remember Richie slapping him back from his hysteria. He had lost all power in his legs and lungs when he had seen her coffin. Although the team offered him comfort, they reassured him that it wasn't his fault, but he still destroyed himself knowing that it was.

Josh stared at a photo of himself across the room. The lighting shown a man with the biggest smile on his face on top of a bolder in the middle of the Norwegian mountains. As he stared into himself he couldn't help but feel an extraordinary rage build inside him. How could this man be so happy knowing he just let his best friend fall fifty feet to her death? How could he smile with just joy at such a heart crushing tragedy?

Josh couldn't take it anymore. Collecting the glass, he hurled it toward the photo. It bounced against the wall before it landed face up covered in left over scotch. Stampeding towards the frame, he gripped it with the most tremendous force that he cracked the glass within it.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TRY HARDER?! WHY DIDN'T YOU SAVE HER?! Why couldn't you save her?", the man in the photo never answered Josh. All he could do is smile back and remember better days.

Josh felt the cold scotch soak into his knees as he buckled into the carpet. The plush cushioning did nothing to comfort the breaking pieces of his will. He could do nothing to control the tears that filled his red sore eyes.

He almost couldn't breath knowing he was alone. With Ryder gone and Josh in a black cloud, the team had disbanded many months ago. Josh had no idea where everyone was and half of him didn't care. As long as Ryder's heart was no longer beating he could've cared less if his own stopped.

Josh looked up and took a deep breath and recognized where he was. He was beside his little shelf of research books just feet from the door. He had knelt here many times before, pouring over cryptids and locations. He half expected Ryder to burst through with some new evidence that took her all night to find. Many times she was so excited to show him that she hadn't bothered to comb her hair. Other times she had spent all night searching that the caffeine from last nights coffee was still coursing through her system. Or she'd forego the morning all together and knock on his door in the dead of night.

Josh bowed his head knowing that that door would never bare her presence ever again. He thought about the last conversation they ever had, it struck him hard and he had to take another deep breath.

_"Josh?"_

_"Yea."_

_"If one of use were to ever die on a trip, where would you want to be buried?"_

_"What? That's a little dark for you isn't it?"_

_"No I'm serious. Where would you want us to take your body?"_

_"Well... I guess I'd like to be cremated and taken to the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro. It's the first place I knew I wanted to travel for the rest of my life. That mountain changed my life. It led me to the team, and you."_

_"Aww, you softy."_

_"What can I say? Inside I'm just a big ol' teddy bear. What about you?"_

_"I guess I'd like to be buried at home. After visiting so many places, it would be nice to finally rest easy at home, you know."_

_"I guess, that's not a bad idea. But mines way cooler."_

_"Shut up!"_

_"Ouch, hey I'm a teddy bear remember. They're suppose to get love not punches."_

_"Come on, Teddy, we're moving the team out in ten minutes. Try not to bruise your delicate paws."_

_"Well then I better wrap my self up, did you bring the bubble wrap?"_

_"Come on, you." _

He took some solace from the fact that she was home "resting easy". Josh was far from easy, he was the one who told her parents that he had failed to bring their daughter back. They trusted him with her life and he couldn't keep that promise.

There was nothing in this tangible world what would ever amount to the cost of Ryder's life. He saw no redemption and at the same time he didn't want it. He simply wanted to die and he wanted to die alone, just as she did.

He wished he had never gone to that stupid mountain. It was because of that damn slop that led him to the team, to Ryder. If he hadn't have met her perhaps she'd still be alive. He wished he could go back and make it so that none of it ever happened. And perhaps it was time to return to that ever dreaded peak.

One. Last. Time.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Finding You_**: part 1

Josh looked back at the green earth behind him as his foot landed in the first puddle of melted snow. Everything was glazed in the Sun's rays, while he stood in the vast shadow of a tree that died from the cold breath of the mountain many years ago. He knew it would be the last time he'd see the world in its entire vibrant smile. The clouds that blotted out the little city below him seemed to be giving him a gentle send off.

Josh took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and turned to continue his walk to the summit. His trek led him past piles of newly fallen snow. He could feel the oxygen lessen; he could feel the pressure change in his chest. It would be a couple miles before he had to change into his snow gear.

With every step he took he fought the urge to scream and forced himself to feel all the pain his body could absorb. He wasn't going to allow himself a moment of peace or relief; why should he? He didn't deserve it. This was his penance, his chance to allow himself to feel more pain then Ryder ever did. This was his punishment and his reward; to suffer as she did.

With every ache, his head screamed her name. a few tears escaped his eyes; each falling in memory of her.

Night began to fall, but he continued to walk. As he walked, Josh could smell a fire, but paid it no attention. A small noise seemed to rise from the darkness; he couldn't recognize it so he kept walking. A small pat on his shoulder snapped him out of his stupor; he found himself face to face with another human being. He almost did register a like figure and stared as the noise he heard was transforming into words.

"Hey! Can you hear me? I said you shouldn't be climbing through the night. It's dangerous."

"Uh?", Josh finally snapped back into reality.

"You look terrible, come on. Let's get you some rest." The camper led Josh to a nearby tent with two more of his colleagues. Both were gathered around a small fire and each was sipping soup out of a thermal cup.

"That's Martin and Paul. I'm Phillip and I believe Lisa is around here somewhere."

"Lisa's coming back with more sticks." Martin mumbled as he slurped down a noodle.

"And you let her go alone? Wow some fine gentlemen you guys turned out to be." Phillip mocked.

"Hey we told her not to go out far." Paul slid down a log he was sitting on to make room for Josh.

"Morons." Phillip handed a cup to Josh and poured him a serving before Josh had a chance to protest.

"Who's the new guy?"

Lisa had an armful of branches and twigs as she took in the heap of shambles that was Josh.

"Lisa! That was fast. See Phil, she can take care of herself." Paul snorted.

Josh had to focus his eyes and tried to look past the fire. He could see a woman, but he could hardly make out her face. Just as his eyes fought to see Lisa, he saw Ryder's face in hers. His eyes widened, catching the air in his chest; he fell back and hit his head on a bolder behind him.

"Oh my god are you ok?!", Lisa dropped her branches and scooped up her first aid kit.

Josh could see her every feature now and to his relief she looked nothing like his beloved friend. Lisa inspected his head and his hands just to find some scraps.

"You're lucky you finished your soup before you fell over. Or else you would have had boil broth all over yourself.", Lisa brushed some dirt off his cheek, but Josh caught her wrist before she could finish.

"Please, you don't have to do that." Josh's voice was low and full of pain. Lisa could recognize the sound of heartbreak inside his every word. Josh let her hand down slowly and dropped his own into the dust beneath him.

"Josh, is it? Well, Josh, where's your team?", Lisa could see Josh shake his head no. "You're not up here alone are you?" Josh shook his head yes. He barely had enough will to answer her the way he did. Lisa couldn't believe him, there was no way.

"How long have you been walking?", Lisa nearly gasped as he shrugged his shoulders. Josh just stared into the fire. Fixed on the flames that he didn't deserve; every ember that escaped into the sky seemed to protest his presence.

"Are you lost?", Lisa asked, but somehow knew that he wasn't. No one just accidently walks up Mt. Kilimanjaro. Lisa rubbed his shoulder and caught a glimmer of a tear slide down his cheek.

"I'm sorry. Whoever she was, I'm sorry."

Josh turned his head; he saw pity in her eyes and felt a caress in her voice. Her smile was gentle and her touch was light; if he wasn't so numb he would have felt her rubbing his shoulder.

"We're actually working our way down the mountain. Why don't you come back with us, you'll get yourself killed climbing this mountain alone.", Lisa laughed. Josh let a smile slip to his lips, the notion of getting killed on the very mountain that sparked his love of adventure was poetic irony. To Josh it was a fitting end.

"Great, then it's settled. We'll head out a little after dawn. Now let's get some rest." Lisa nudged him up as she headed toward the tent. Josh simply remained beside the blaze.

"Aren't you coming?"

"I think….I think I'll stay here for a while. I'll be right there." Josh hadn't even turned to her; he just wrapped his arms around his chest and sat there. Lisa knew that at some point she'd have to come back and check on him, but for now she would let him warm up a little while longer. Josh listened to her feet as she stepped past the dust and into the fabric tent to settle in for the night. Phil, Martin and Paul gathered their gear and headed in to.

"You coming Josh?", Phillip laughed, "You're going to freeze to death out here, buddy."

"Be right in." Josh tried to not sound broken, but he couldn't help the sorrow in his voice. Josh felt a small brush of wind past his ear as he sat beside the fire. He knew that if he was going to make it to the top he should at least rest for a few hours. He wished the team luck in their venture back and wished for himself the strength to make it to the summit.

Martin stretched his arms as he fumbled out of his tent. As his eyes adjusted to the new sun, he realized that Josh had never come into his tent. Perhaps he jumped in with Phil or Paul.

"Hey guys, wake-y wake-y"

Lisa rolled out of sleep and into to the fresh mountain air.

"So how did you and Josh sleep?"Lisa rubbed her eyes.

"He didn't hope in with me."

Lisa rushed to Paul and Phil's tent."Guys! Is Josh with you?!"

The boys rolled over to cover their eyes from the sun as they both grunted a pastured moan.

Lisa looked out toward the fire and nothing. Lisa couldn't believe it.

"Lisa, where is he?", Martin gasped.

"He left."


End file.
